Steps to building self-esteem

If we don't, and we continue to treat children as entirely dependent, it can impact their self-confidence longer term, making them believe they are incapable of handling tasks on their own.

“Any child who is self-sufficient; who can tie their shoes, dress or undress themselves - reflects in his joy and sense of achievement the image of human dignity.” - Maria Montessori

In addition to striking this balance with dependence in the early years there is also the issue of praise to consider, being used as a strategy to build self-esteem. (e-article Montessori Australia Foundation Issue 2, May 2015). We live in a generation that advocates that it is important to nurture our children’s self-esteem because this will help them to grow into confident, productive adults - but is this really true

This model of praise leads to confidence, leads to self-esteem, leads to good work is a failed strategy to promote children’s growth, according to Pediatric neuropsychologist, Steve Hughes. He says that overpraising our children is leading to a generation of adults who feel the world owes them something.(Montessori Society AMI UK, Direction magazine)

This brings us back to the Montessori method of teaching the child independence to self-affirm their abilities early, without seeking praise outside themselves.

A good example of this is in toddlerhood when the 2 year old enters the developmental stage known as the ‘crisis of self-affirmation’. During this phase, children begin to realise that they have their own identity, thoughts, and desires. They start to assert themselves by saying "no!" and refusing certain activities. It signifies that your child recognises themselves as a separate individual and feels safe and confident enough to take risks.

Children learn a lot about themselves through our perceptions and the messages we send them. If we let them master new skills through collaboration, they will discover what they enjoy and start planning their next steps. They will practice making choices, taking risks, and making mistakes, all of which help build resilience and build self-esteem. Both work hand in hand.

Although giving your child the opportunity to do things independently might take longer than if you did it yourself, the end result is well worth the extra effort. Encouraging independence helps them develop a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, setting the foundation for a successful and fulfilling life that will prevail into adulthood.

To learn more techniques to build self esteem while create respectful boundaries which can be applied from early childhood and beyond, join our next Positive Discipline Course with Prue & Freddie Liger this November 2024.