Attention seeking or connection seeking?

Identifying and understanding connection-seeking behaviours

Connection-seeking behaviours can manifest in different ways. Actions can range from aggression to withdrawal and vary based on the child's age, their temperament, and their needs. 

A child who yells and a child seeking hugs may really be looking for the same thing. What they lack is the tools to fully express themselves and their needs.

"Children can only communicate with the skills and resources that have at any given time, says early learning specialist, Kerrie Maguire. "In some cases, their expressions may communicate that they have an unmet need. In this case, connection."

An introverted child may withdraw because they feel overwhelmed in a new enviornment. A child with unmet emotional needs may act out in group activities. Trauma, attachment issues, developmental delays and even environmental triggers, such as sudden loud noises, may all contribute to connection-seeking behaviours.

Understanding the roots of connection-seeking behaviours is key to understanding the child, and developing ways to help foster secure attachments.

Strategies for responding to connection-seeking behaviours

Before you act, consider first why a child is acting a certain way, and consciously make the choice to respond in a way that helps provide what they need emotionally, physically or socially. Then offer a positive response which can build a secure attachment, promote emotional intelligence, and create a healthier learning environment where children feel heard, and valued. This also helps develop safe, secure, reciprocal relationships.

How do we turn the behaviour to connection:

Active listening

Viewing the situation from a child's perspective

Validation

Setting boundaries with explanation

Using a calming tone of voice

Provide opportunities for the child to participate with tasks that help children feel included

At Montessori East, we offer bi-monthly parenting workshops in the courtyard with our educators. guiding parents with tips on how to handle social and emotional interactions while supporting the child's emotional, mental and social development in a positive and constructive way.